*takes a deep breath*

oh my god, junior year is finally over!
I just took my last exam this morning, and it hasn't really hit me yet that I only have one more year left at high school.
I passed all my exams (not exactly all with flying colors, but hey, the final semester grades are all pretty acceptable!)
I'm officially a senior, and that's also a really crazy thought! All of my good senior friends are graduating and I'm going to cry like a literal child at their graduation. I have no idea what theatre will be like next year without my fav seniors.
I'm really excited for this summer, though. I have a lot of stuff going on, like going to my arts program, making art with photography to get ready for AP Art next year as a senior, and going to Montreal as much as I can, and maybe even Toronto to visit schools there.
I feel really refreshed and relieved that I can finally take a breath and go out and do things that I wanna do. I want to experiment a lot with my photography this summer and try to manipulate my pictures after they've been printed either in the darkroom or digitally by painting or drawing on them. I just feel like this summer is going to be filled with the good kind of busy. The kind where I'll have the choice to fill up this time with learning experiences and expressing myself. This is my last summer where I'll be going back to the same school as all my friends in the fall, and I want to grow as much as I can.
I hope to post here more and use this space to record my adventures along the way of this summer and all of the fun stuff I should be doing with all my best friends and myself.

Summer 2015! (let me have this cliché)
:*

the end of the beginning

okay, I know, everything's a vent post these days, and I've barley posted this month, but what else is a junior in high school supposed to do besides cut out anything that might bring joy to their consistent stress-con ??
As the end of my junior year of high school approaches, various important tests seem to pop up every other day (taking the SATS in like 7 days lol) (not ready). In my genius way of handling this, I've been a blob of nothing who does nothing (literally nothing) but watch netflix and mope about, getting paler by the day, avoiding all reasonable responsibility. It's not even that bad really, for me. I don't have a job at the moment (or a car, it broke down, its supposed to be ready tomorrow, but god knows my father will haggle at the price with the guy and make things more fun), or any sports or big-time commitments. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, its just the impending deadlines and life stuff happening all the time.

ANYWAY, I'm really going to try and stop complaining here.

My prom was totally last weekend, and although my night turned into a hot, sticky mess, I def enjoyed the photo-ops and how confident I felt about myself that night (40 minutes in front of the mirror, putting goop on your face meticulously has that effect on me) heres some super-teenage prom pics for you to enjoy.

me and my bf!!!

me and my bf again 

jus me

pals (this is snapchat so it sucks sorry)

more pals

main prom selfie

fashionable at prom

Here are some crappy school lighting iPhone camera-app scans of the pictures I took of Katie while I was in Montreal last.

i had an extra sheet of paper so i did this one on a whim so its not as good #judgementfreezone

contour/cheekbones on fleek

KT doin her makeup thang..this one is my fav.. i had to burn & dodge it like a PRO 

I'm going to Montreal again for another weekend visit in mid-June. I'm taking some of my American friends this time and hopefully they'll get to meet some Canadians.

I honestly attempted to film a makeup tutorial yesterday but it was all overexposed and you couldn't even see what was going on my face, so maybe I'll try that again later. I've been wanting to try and get a little bit more involved in youtube because I've gotten so obsessed with so many different youtubers lately, but I'm just not sure I have what it takes. I'm also a really busy student so I'm not sure if I would have time (especially this upcoming fall) to keep a channel updated with edited videos all the time. Plus, I'm not totally sure what I would film about. I'm not loaded enough to be filming makeup and fashion hauls all the time. I'll give it a go in the summertime if I'm feeling the boredom one day.
I'm thinking my next post will finally be something cute & fun, like my spring/summer fashion built around what I might be doing with the day. stay tuned for that, I promise now that summer is just around the corner I will have more interesting/cheerful posts. My fellow juniors know this pain. Lets stick together, we can do it! not crying at all right now

zayn, photography, vlogs, emotions?

Half day today at school, so I decided to run into the city with my mother and hit the goodwill, and I was thinking, hey, since I'm coming back to Burlington tomorrow with my main CDuff, I was thinking perhaps I could do a vlog of some sort, and if not that, then perhaps a makeup turotial consisting of cheaper products? We are hitting the Bed Bath & Beyond and hopefully snagging some deep discount products, which inspired me into thinking, hey, perhaps you would like to see how I stretch that dollar, hunny. Let me know if you'd be interested in seeing a vlog/affordable makeup tutorial, or both! :*

I'll hopefully be snapping some film shots tomorrow with my newly repaired Nikon N2000, and hopefully getting them developed, like, this year *eye roll at myself*
I've got a nice long weekend ahead, and hopefully be doing some stuff that I can share with the big, wide internet here.
I've also still really got to work on my digital photography assignment, basically I tried to rush to show I just had something done, and basically the two images below are my faves so far. Just experimenting a bit with some bright, morning light! Spring is coming, I can FEEL it in my pores.

i've discovered a new Lightroom preset, thanks to the internet. I'm really feeling pastel, light images with a pinkish hue. Perhaps its the springtime in the air.

ALSO, OH MY GOD, the whole Zayn thing? I'm literally fucking shocked and, yes, I did cry when I found out, because One Direction was the first band I ever really liked and celebrity type boys I had a crush on, and honestly they were just really fucking important to me when I was just starting to get a grip on who I was becoming as a teenager. I literally had a 1D fan account on Twitter in like, the 8th grade to 9th grade. I had like 3,000 followers, they were my utter loves. Still kind of are, although its shifted more to Harry and Zayn, (a little more subtly, ha HA.)
Seriously, I saw them open for Big Time Rush when they were teeny cute babies in Albany, New York when I was in the 8th grade, (like, 5 years ago, with Caitlyn, actually. She feels the pain as well.) and I still remember it like it was last night. Zayn has always been one of my favorites (especially lately, he's been looking hella fit the last year or so) and honestly its broken my heart. 1D will forever be with me in my soul, and I respect Zayn and this situation, but I'm still incredibly sad about it. I feel like I've been with them all this way, and honestly, it really is emotional for me. I don't feel embarrassed by being upset about it, because it's really like a part of my adolescence is changing and maybe even ending. I hope the boys don't break up entirely, but really, will it ever be the same? We all hope so, of course, but in reality, we know it can't be. I'm crying again.

I literally saw him when he looked like he does on the far left. Sigh.

Just a quick update, like I said, I really want to connect with people more through this whole thing! I really want to at least try and make some new friends in this blogging community of beauty/fashion/whatever I'm doing here blogs. Ugh, this is turning into a ramble, I can feel it. But, please don't be shy in asking about what you'd like to see, hell, I'd love to even just hear ideas for blog posts! I seriously love you, especially if you check in regularly, so give me a shout, if you want! :*
This has been an incredibly random post, I hope you all still appreciate the life update. ciao darlings

pictures of boys

I recently got two of the families old two film cameras fixed, my mothers and my fathers. my fathers is an old Nikon FTN from the 70's, but the light meter is still kind of shot. my mothers is a bit newer (mid 80s???), a Nikon N2000 thats a bit more user friendly with an electronic light meter and a lot more mechanical features. it took all of our baby pictures and they came out pretty well. my mother recalls my preschool teacher asking her if she was a professional photographer when she brought some pictures of us in for some reason. I'm happy to use it.

The pictures I recently took of Ryan and one of my father got printed today, and the two of Ryan aren't half bad. I had to borrow a janky school camera for the shoot, but the results are fine. Just a light leak here and there, luckily not on any of the good ones.

excuse the horrific iphone copies. i haven't been able to scan them yet! 

I've been really excited for all the spring fashion coming up. I'm way too pumped to finally break out a dress and sneakers. thats all.

I just splurged on a NuMe 25 mm curling wand to do my hair for prom, and like, 7 things from E.L.F. for like, $17? I basically found all the best elf products on pintrest and bought them up. mostly all highlighters, to feed my highlight addiction. I'll maybe do a post using all drugstore stuff with some more affordable makeup *dupes* for high-end.

I also just applied for a new job at the local coffee place, honestly just because I need the cash.

I've also been kind of obsessed with Vlogs recently... I've been watching a lot of one of my favorite Youtubers/human beings in general, Zoe Sugg (Zoella)'s vlogs and they honestly just make me really happy and relaxed. It's interesting seeing the reality television of somebody else's life... if that makes any sense. They honestly just make me feel more positive and cheerful in general. I seriously love Zoella's vlogs especially because she is such a sweetheart and I feel like she's a genuinely good, kind person. Even though I've never met her. Now this sounds creepy, but thats not what it's like... I'm going to just stop talking now.
Ok, I seriously need to go do my photography assignment. ciao :*

body collective

A photography project for school focused on a sequence of images flowing seamlessly into the other

updating

Goddamn, sorry for the inactivity! I've been insanely busy the past two weeks. I'm just finding a spare moment now to just give some sort of update. My birthday was great! I had a fantastic dinner with friends and I laughed the whole time and we took adorable ass pics. Of course they all stole the Instax shots of all of us as a group, but here's some of mostly me and one of me and one other friend.

Been rockin the middle part since this night. Not everyone is a fan, but, as you can guess, I don't care.

Gotten some complaints about looking too mean in pictures... this is just my face... GOD, MOM!

It was so fun and cute love it 

I got some great gifts from my family and friends that are still coming in! I almost feel bad, like, stop giving me presentssss but like, don't stop giving me presents, you know? I've spent almost every gift card I've gotten on makeup ($7 Korean BB Cream. It's dope.) 

I also ordered some dope new black Doc Martens that will be coming in the mail tomorrow I think, and I'm so excited to start using those in outfits. I have a literal boot addiction. I think I own every type of boot under the sun but honestly it's one of my favorite things about myself. Boot squad 

I'm also super extra excited to be touring The New School and Pace in NYC in February. I had a college meeting the other day and a lot of my teachers think I would love Parson's, and I honestly think they're probably right. It seems amazing, but ah-mazingly expensive, so we'll see if 1) I get in when I apply next fall and 2) If someone gives me 40 to 60K to go. laughing crying emoji till I die

I think we're also going to be checking out the MoMA while we're there, which would be so fun and cool, since I haven't been there in ages. I will be making a very detailed post about the trip probably, as I will want all my killer outfits documented and shared with the world. This city deserves only the best of me tbh. it's like so damn spiritual 

I've been doing some pretty great work in my photography lately, here's some stuff from a recent shoot with my NY travel buddy

I was really inspired by Kate Moss' early work in the 90's when she was just a teenager.

Corrine Day

Although I did that one strung-out weird makeup thing, I kept my model looking natural like Moss in her pictures. 

My model was looking very sweet next to Kate's sass level on 100

I'll try not to go this long without posting again! I seriously just need to bump up my GPA tho just a wee bit so I'm feeling the pressure right now, I didn't mean to I swear. I'll post some outfit shit this weekend because I feel like I'm gonna need to look fresh after a week of hoodies and crappy eyelashes because all I'm doing is reading depressing books for AP Literature and crying 

kisses to my bitches 

very mini thrift haul

This is just gonna be a quick post, because I really felt like sharing. So I hit up Goodwill with my mom yesterday, because she's the only person who truly understands this fashionista, (besides Katie, probably... mostly...)

I only got like 3 shirts, which in total were like $9 altogether (!!!!!!!), but I wanted to model them.

"Harpoon" Beer tee from American Apparel. So effin cute. I'm obsessed.

Worthington Petite knit tank top. Has sweater-like ribbing on the bottom. Just flattering & cool. 

Avalin tank top. It's probably the oldest one of the three. Sheer see-through stripes through solid black fabric. Very chic.

I was so excited about the Harpoon top, because these kind of shirts are my actual favorite thing ever. They look straight up good on me and they're so casually tom-boyish but still cute. I'll probably wear it with everything from black leggings to high-waisted jeans. So cute.

I think the two black tank tops are very chic, especially the Avalin one. They would look great with edgier all-black outfits.

kisses