future

I've been forced to think a lot about my future lately. As a junior in high school, the impending pressure of applying to college and choosing a major and what I want to do for the rest of my life until I die is starting to take its toll. I feel like I still don't really know who I am or what I would be good at or what my major strengths are. I don't even really feel like I have strengths. What is it that I could do for the rest of my known life without pulling my hair out and constantly wish I'd done something differently or gone somewhere else? I really have no idea. I used to think that I knew what I wanted to do, but I was quickly introduced to the reality that the chances of actually getting a job writing for a comedy sitcom are, well, low. And you really need to have connections these days to get fun, cool jobs like writing for TV, or being in TV in general. I really have to ask myself, am I willing to do the work required to earn the respect of officials and managers in the industry? Also, am I funny enough? What if I sink all my student dept into playwriting or some worthless degree like that and never make a penny in my life? Is television writing really what I want/am meant to do? Or do I want to be a fashion photographer? A makeup artist? Work for public benefit and women's programs? I want to do all these things, but I don't even know if I could make it in any field I'm truly interested in.

My biggest fear above all of this is that I don't have the motivation or work ethic to be noticed. These are things I consider interests that I want to turn into passions. I'm worried, though, that I'll be lazy/unmotivated and I won't be attractive to potential employers, and I won't have the impressive portfolio necessary to be a potential hire even. I hope that after high school I'll have newfound inspiration and motivation to keep me moving forward in the world.

I should probably go study for the SAT's so I can get into a college. Great.

Sorry for the vent/rant sesh.

trippin in the city

so, I got back from New York on Monday, and we left on Thursday for Albany and stayed in the city for two nights, and let me tell you, I'm going to be drinking coffee at home for at least 3 months/forever. I love New York, but oh my god, I am so broke right now. I'm currently on a desperate job search because I need some income pretty badly now. I picked up an application for Dunkin Donuts and realized that was not a good option for me (donut addiction+working around donuts all day=diabeetus)

New York was amazing and beautiful, as usual. The one different thing about this trip was that I visited The New School (Eugene-Lange for liberal arts), and oh man, its amazing. I love everything about it. Its perfect for me. Its in the middle of New York City, its got an intimate class size, and a huge part of life TNS has to do with social justice and involving yourself in social justice projects locally or around the world. I loved it, in short. The buildings were beautiful and modern and the writing oriented curriculum really was the icing on the cake for me. I want to go there so bad, and I think if I work hard this year and get an acceptable SAT score, I could get in.  However, its also about 60K a year. I mean, you never know, I could get a ton of those random specific scholarships and maybe my grandparents will chip in. I'll keep you updated.

We stayed in the beautiful Waldorf-Astoria and splurged on some fancy-ass meals around town at the 21 Club (which was superb), and the Bull and Bear in the Waldorf. We visited classic New York stores such as Tiffany's and Bergdorf's. I ended up splurging on a Michael Kors bag (which was the real wallet-emptier), the Anastasia Beverley Hills Contour Pallete in Light (which is amaze by the way, maybe I'll talk about it in a post soon about fancy makeup), and  a single long-sleeved white tee shirt. I think I have enough stuff to last me awhile.

but isn't it glorious...?

I unfortunately didn't get to take many pictures since we were only in the city for like less than 48 hours and we were running around doing a million things, but I got some cool pics of the decor inside the Waldorf and the MoMA.

bull & bear

lobby area thing

moma album covers

warhol

I was taking pictures of minimalist art when this lady threw her hand in. does life imitate art? yes

me and my pal

more of me and my pal feat me with falsies

me in front of a wall at Anthropologie while a lil bit sick

Now school is back into swing and I am pining for it to be over already, looking to maybe spending some time alone in Montreal this summer for a few weeks or other...stuff... maybe....

Doing all this college stuff and traveling is really making me want to go away for awhile soon. I hope to get out of VT this summer and do something cool and do fun stuff. Now I'm rambling so im gonna chill and let this be just a quick update on how my trip went and whats up. Prom season is coming up and that will be the one thing I'm not too cool to look forward to. Maybe I'll make a post on how to do your own makeup/maybe some hair for prom. Let me know if anybody actually read this, by the way. I feel like I'm talking to myself a little bit? 

kisses