*takes a deep breath*

oh my god, junior year is finally over!
I just took my last exam this morning, and it hasn't really hit me yet that I only have one more year left at high school.
I passed all my exams (not exactly all with flying colors, but hey, the final semester grades are all pretty acceptable!)
I'm officially a senior, and that's also a really crazy thought! All of my good senior friends are graduating and I'm going to cry like a literal child at their graduation. I have no idea what theatre will be like next year without my fav seniors.
I'm really excited for this summer, though. I have a lot of stuff going on, like going to my arts program, making art with photography to get ready for AP Art next year as a senior, and going to Montreal as much as I can, and maybe even Toronto to visit schools there.
I feel really refreshed and relieved that I can finally take a breath and go out and do things that I wanna do. I want to experiment a lot with my photography this summer and try to manipulate my pictures after they've been printed either in the darkroom or digitally by painting or drawing on them. I just feel like this summer is going to be filled with the good kind of busy. The kind where I'll have the choice to fill up this time with learning experiences and expressing myself. This is my last summer where I'll be going back to the same school as all my friends in the fall, and I want to grow as much as I can.
I hope to post here more and use this space to record my adventures along the way of this summer and all of the fun stuff I should be doing with all my best friends and myself.

Summer 2015! (let me have this cliché)
:*

the end of the beginning

okay, I know, everything's a vent post these days, and I've barley posted this month, but what else is a junior in high school supposed to do besides cut out anything that might bring joy to their consistent stress-con ??
As the end of my junior year of high school approaches, various important tests seem to pop up every other day (taking the SATS in like 7 days lol) (not ready). In my genius way of handling this, I've been a blob of nothing who does nothing (literally nothing) but watch netflix and mope about, getting paler by the day, avoiding all reasonable responsibility. It's not even that bad really, for me. I don't have a job at the moment (or a car, it broke down, its supposed to be ready tomorrow, but god knows my father will haggle at the price with the guy and make things more fun), or any sports or big-time commitments. As I've mentioned in earlier posts, its just the impending deadlines and life stuff happening all the time.

ANYWAY, I'm really going to try and stop complaining here.

My prom was totally last weekend, and although my night turned into a hot, sticky mess, I def enjoyed the photo-ops and how confident I felt about myself that night (40 minutes in front of the mirror, putting goop on your face meticulously has that effect on me) heres some super-teenage prom pics for you to enjoy.

me and my bf!!!

me and my bf again 

jus me

pals (this is snapchat so it sucks sorry)

more pals

main prom selfie

fashionable at prom

Here are some crappy school lighting iPhone camera-app scans of the pictures I took of Katie while I was in Montreal last.

i had an extra sheet of paper so i did this one on a whim so its not as good #judgementfreezone

contour/cheekbones on fleek

KT doin her makeup thang..this one is my fav.. i had to burn & dodge it like a PRO 

I'm going to Montreal again for another weekend visit in mid-June. I'm taking some of my American friends this time and hopefully they'll get to meet some Canadians.

I honestly attempted to film a makeup tutorial yesterday but it was all overexposed and you couldn't even see what was going on my face, so maybe I'll try that again later. I've been wanting to try and get a little bit more involved in youtube because I've gotten so obsessed with so many different youtubers lately, but I'm just not sure I have what it takes. I'm also a really busy student so I'm not sure if I would have time (especially this upcoming fall) to keep a channel updated with edited videos all the time. Plus, I'm not totally sure what I would film about. I'm not loaded enough to be filming makeup and fashion hauls all the time. I'll give it a go in the summertime if I'm feeling the boredom one day.
I'm thinking my next post will finally be something cute & fun, like my spring/summer fashion built around what I might be doing with the day. stay tuned for that, I promise now that summer is just around the corner I will have more interesting/cheerful posts. My fellow juniors know this pain. Lets stick together, we can do it! not crying at all right now

making it through may

I'm sorry I haven't been so active. It's just that I'm a second-semester Junior and I kind of feel like my body  is going to explode, just combust into ashes every time I get assigned more work or reminded of the work I have left to do. I feel sort of creatively dead. I keep meaning to write here, or even just jot some ideas down in a notebook. When I get stressed out, I just try not to feel it by pretending my responsibilities aren't happening and I just shut down and do something totally unproductive, like watching Scandal for 5 hours straight. I know this is starting to sound a lot like my last post, but it's not, I just wanted to get that out before I shared a few things that have been getting me through the past few weeks, and what will hopefully keep me afloat for the next month or so.

I just mentioned Scandal. I've been binge-watching it this week, and I've really gotten into it. I can't give away any spoilers, but its just dope.

I've also been reading Cinder by Marissa Meyer (rather slowly, I might add). I'm still not incredibly far into it, but it's nice to be reading something that I have to constantly analyze to understand for school. It's about a cyborg girl in the distant future living in what I presume is China. It's basically a super futuristic, dystopian Cinderella story. It's an on-trend plot for teen books right now, which I've somewhat been sucked into. Defs recommend.

My Steve Madden Birkenstock-style sandals. They're SO comfortable and I can wear cool socks with them ironically. I've been living in them in this super-warm weather and totally obsessing with this semi-ugly-sandal trend that was sort of more last summer. I'm clinging on guys. Let me live.

The Anastasia DipBrow Pomade. Enough said. I love the flickadawris.

I've been listening to a lot of Disney movie soundtracks. Like Disney Princess movies. My friends hate it because its all I want to bump in the car. I'm retreating to childhood so I can pretend I'm not actually mere months away from going to college is my phsyc analysis.

EssieButton's channel . She's just so sweet and genuine. Adding her to my subscription list was an easy choice and I really like watching her makeup videos and then her bookshelf videos. She's just living in London & being cool & cute. Love it.

That's all for now

future

I've been forced to think a lot about my future lately. As a junior in high school, the impending pressure of applying to college and choosing a major and what I want to do for the rest of my life until I die is starting to take its toll. I feel like I still don't really know who I am or what I would be good at or what my major strengths are. I don't even really feel like I have strengths. What is it that I could do for the rest of my known life without pulling my hair out and constantly wish I'd done something differently or gone somewhere else? I really have no idea. I used to think that I knew what I wanted to do, but I was quickly introduced to the reality that the chances of actually getting a job writing for a comedy sitcom are, well, low. And you really need to have connections these days to get fun, cool jobs like writing for TV, or being in TV in general. I really have to ask myself, am I willing to do the work required to earn the respect of officials and managers in the industry? Also, am I funny enough? What if I sink all my student dept into playwriting or some worthless degree like that and never make a penny in my life? Is television writing really what I want/am meant to do? Or do I want to be a fashion photographer? A makeup artist? Work for public benefit and women's programs? I want to do all these things, but I don't even know if I could make it in any field I'm truly interested in.

My biggest fear above all of this is that I don't have the motivation or work ethic to be noticed. These are things I consider interests that I want to turn into passions. I'm worried, though, that I'll be lazy/unmotivated and I won't be attractive to potential employers, and I won't have the impressive portfolio necessary to be a potential hire even. I hope that after high school I'll have newfound inspiration and motivation to keep me moving forward in the world.

I should probably go study for the SAT's so I can get into a college. Great.

Sorry for the vent/rant sesh.

for the first time in forever

So I took a much-needed visit to my Montreal to see friends and get out of the boring small-town life for a few days. I put in some mad effort towards my outfits and makeup to strut around shopping with my Canadian hunny Katie.
Unfortunately, we had to leave a day early because my travel partner (Mom) forgot some important meds and I was feeling pretty under the weather myself (currently lying in bed for the 7th hour rn)
I took a ton of film pictures which should be done by next week sometime if I actually don't procrastinate. They're mostly all of Katie and maybe one or two of Grace just before I left.

we tried to take as many selfies as possible between shopping excursions  

katie & sarah mirror duo

trying stuff on at American Apparel, lowkey hoping they'd ask me to model for them, but alas, no.

klassic katie

showcasing my immense facial effort

view from my father's less-than glamorous 9th floor apartment. yes I shot this from a mattress on the floor. no bed for him. my father is a caveman. i did not sleep.

pretty good view tho

I did some pretty serious shopping while I was there, I hit up Topshop alone while I was waiting for Grace (we only had one lunch date since I had to leave early and I'm mad about that bc i love that bitch). I got some more unnecessary black high waisted pants (they were reasonably priced and they were like a black version of the american apparel easy jean, ok???) and some adorable socks, and this gorgeous powder blue crop top. i vow to not be afraid of rockin some crop this summer.

it looks sort of grey here and that upsets me because it really the most gorg powder blue color you've ever seen.

I would show you the pants if I knew how, they're just basic black high-waisted pants from Topshop.
I also copped that recently very popular American Apparel Julliard top in this amazing baby pink color. Its really flattering on me and I'm obsessed with it.
At Sephora I grabbed the Kat Von tattoo liner since I heard some great things about it, and the Anastasia Brow Pomade because Katie had it, and I used it, and the rest is history. Additionally, I grabbed the Rimmel Wake Me Up foundation and concealer while I was there, because its one of my favorite foundations/concealers of all time and it's only available in Canada in North America. I got them in London when I went in September (when I was slightly more tan, sigh), and I rationed it, not knowing when I would get another one. I finally got some more in my current skintone, and now I can use that one I got in London once the sun/self tanner comes out to play. I highly recommend you pick those up if you're near a Canadian/European drug store anytime soon.

This was a much needed visit out of Stowe, and I my hopes have been somewhat raised about going to Uni here in a bigger Canadian city since it would actually be affordable for me. We're working on some dual-citizen stuff, so hopefully Canadian school would work. McGill is close to my heart if you know me, since my father is a professor there, so that would be lovely, if I got in that is. Montreal is a beaaaautiful city that I've been visiting my whole life because of my father's job and our friends there. It's wonderful to be considering it for my future, because its a reasonably large city that isn't too overwhelmingly huge like NYC, yet there is still a sense of community. It's also wonderfully cultured with all sorts of different kinds of people, which I find wonderful, since I've grown up in such isolated towns without much variation in people.
It's only about 2 /2.5 hours away from where I live, and I hope to visit loads more during the summer to see my friends there, because I definitely don't see them enough, and they're amazing people that I love. I can't wait to go back!

march favorites

I loved so many cool different things this month. From fashion, to beauty, to Youtubers, to TV shows, I've actually tried a lot of new things this month. I'm not sure exactly why, but I've been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking lately about what I want to do with my life, and I think with that thinking I've kind of branched out in the small-scale stuff in a search for inspiration.

On with the favorites though,
I'll start with the sort of... miscellaneous stuff
I've been loving KathleenLights's channel. I'm trying to decide how to do my prom makeup, and she has been such a help. She's also just straight up adorable and funny and fun to watch in general. She's great at suggesting drugstore/e.l.f. products that really give high-end results. Which I love, because so many beauty guru's on Youtube make recommendations on really expensive, high-end stuff and its like, I'm 17 with no job at the moment, just living off the money I get from my parents ATM. I can't be spending $40 on highlighters every week. Kathleen honestly understands that tons of her viewers can't always be affording high end, and she makes a huge effort to look for the best affordable stuff that gives similar/exact results as a high end product. Also I love her.

I mentioned in another post that I've been watching a ton of Zoella, and I haven't stopped at all. I literally went out and bought the Rimmel Kate Moss lipstick in 111 that she wears a lot because she says its her favorite red lipstick (its pretty great). She's sooo cute and I've been watching her vlogs and main channel videos alike religiously. I've even worn my hair in a high messy bun like she does sometimes and I've really liked the way it looks, and I've gotten compliments. The video on how to do that is right here. Anyway, I love her A WHOLE LOT and I've been taking a lot of style inspo from her recently. Also, I'm so jealous of her and Louise's friendship. I can't wait to find my chummy. I love her and the positive things she brings to my life honestly. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say watching just one of her videos brightens my mood by many, many mood... points.

how lovely is she? *whining emoji* 

For all my fellow second-semester juniors in high school out there, SAT Up is a really great app to get on your phone if you have a million things going on and you don't always have time to sit down everyday and do book work to study for the upcoming SATs (ew gag barf). Its basically like 13 total SAT questions a day that you can do on your phone in about 10 minutes. It's just a little daily workout that shows your progress with every little workout, as well as little synonym games and stuff. It makes studying just a little bit more fun and intuitive. Well, as fun and intuitive as you can make it.

Fresh Off The Boat- TV Show
Girl Online- Book
Grand Budapest Hotel- Movie
My Nikon N2000 film camera with color film
MESSY BUNS!!! UGHH
Guacamole. just guacamole.

Now for the super exciting stuff: beauty/fashion

• E.L.F. makeup brushes. I have been on the hunt for some great, cheap makeup brushes because I'm poor and teenaged. The E.L.F. stipple brush and small tapered brush are two that I just got and they're fantastic.

• The Loreal Magic Lumi Primer. Holy shit you guys. I love this stuff, it honestly makes me RADIATE. My makeup also stays on noticeably longer, and I look so glowy and healthy. I will forever repurchase this stuff. 

• E.L.F. baked highlighter in Blush Gems. It's gorgeous and I love it. I'm wearing it in the photo below on my cheeks and nose.

I loved this springy/glowy look.

• The E.L.F. Mist & Set. (ELF is a big fav this month, if you can't tell. I did a huge haul.) So great to spray your brush with to intensify highlights/eyeshadows, and to prolong the wear of your makeup. I've heard its a dupe for MAC's spray-thing. I've never tried the MAC one, but I love the $3 E.L.F. spray. 

• The E.L.F. Studio Blush in Candid Coral. I usually hate blush. But I don't hate this blush. Im wearing it in the picture above. Good blush.

• NYC Black Liquid Liner. It stays all day on my lids (rare) and is super easy to use. A little bit gets in my eyelashes, but it was like $3 and one of the best matte-looking liquid liners I've ever used. 

• NYX Wonderstick in Universal. SOOO good for affordable cream contouring. Love it. Super easy to use, with a beautiful finish. 

• Maybelliene FIT Me Foundation in Dewey & Smooth. It's so dewey and pretty, it really gives your skin a nice glow with a fair amount of coverage. 

• NYX Matte Lip Creams!!!! oh my god, these have taken over my life. The shade "London" is my favorite right now. It's a really pretty brown-y nude, which I usually hate, but I love this one. All the NYX Matte Lip Creams smell like cake and look amazing. I'm wearing one in the above picture in "San Paulo".

• Rimmel Kate Moss Lipsticks. They're great. I've recently got back into them after a brief hiatus, thanks to Zoe Sugg's (Zoella) recommendation of the perfect red lipstick, Kate Moss 111. 

• Burt's Bees Original Lip Balm

• Evian Facial Spray 

• My NuMe Magic Wand Curling Iron 25 mm. Its literally amazing. My hair looked soo beachy-wavy for like, two days. I'll probably be doing my hair for prom with it. I got mine with a discount code so it was only $28. I curled it also in the picture above, although there isn't a ton of hair in that picture, you basically get the idea. Sooo pretty, I got tons of compliments. I bet with a little sea-salt spray, the waves would be perfectly beachy/relaxed. Shoutout to RetailMeNot.com for that one. 

As far as fashion favorites this month, I started out wearing a lot of black and greys, but on the nicer, warmer days, I leaned towards some slightly more cheerful pastels and pinks, as you can see in the photo above, I was wearing a really pretty water-colory looking floral top that I got lots of compliments on, because I've been dressing so goth lately. My inner goth is still there tho, no lie. I'm just so ready for the spring and sun that I'm hoping bringing some of those springy colors will bring on that cheerful weather a bit faster. And don't tell anyone, but I literally love pastels. They instantly cheer me up and I think they're the most gorgeous colors. I've been loving painting my nails some pastel lookin shades as of late. Really light baby pinks make my day, honestly. 

I've been wearing my heavy black Docs with these girlier outfits too, just to add that little touch of rebellion. 

I'm also obviously really looking forwards to my prom, and I've been looking at a ton of shoes to go with my all-black dress with an open, lacy back. I've really been leaning towards heels with a strap at the ankle because I think they're soo chic-looking. 

Hopefully, I'll be going to Montreal during my spring break this months and I'll be able to take loads of pictures with my friends up there and post them! I'll also dress super fashionably and look on fleek all day every day. I'll make sure to keep it updated with you guys!

ALSO, let me know if you have any suggestions for a prom makeup look for me, because I totally cannot decide what to do! Lots of love
Sarah

zayn, photography, vlogs, emotions?

Half day today at school, so I decided to run into the city with my mother and hit the goodwill, and I was thinking, hey, since I'm coming back to Burlington tomorrow with my main CDuff, I was thinking perhaps I could do a vlog of some sort, and if not that, then perhaps a makeup turotial consisting of cheaper products? We are hitting the Bed Bath & Beyond and hopefully snagging some deep discount products, which inspired me into thinking, hey, perhaps you would like to see how I stretch that dollar, hunny. Let me know if you'd be interested in seeing a vlog/affordable makeup tutorial, or both! :*

I'll hopefully be snapping some film shots tomorrow with my newly repaired Nikon N2000, and hopefully getting them developed, like, this year *eye roll at myself*
I've got a nice long weekend ahead, and hopefully be doing some stuff that I can share with the big, wide internet here.
I've also still really got to work on my digital photography assignment, basically I tried to rush to show I just had something done, and basically the two images below are my faves so far. Just experimenting a bit with some bright, morning light! Spring is coming, I can FEEL it in my pores.

i've discovered a new Lightroom preset, thanks to the internet. I'm really feeling pastel, light images with a pinkish hue. Perhaps its the springtime in the air.

ALSO, OH MY GOD, the whole Zayn thing? I'm literally fucking shocked and, yes, I did cry when I found out, because One Direction was the first band I ever really liked and celebrity type boys I had a crush on, and honestly they were just really fucking important to me when I was just starting to get a grip on who I was becoming as a teenager. I literally had a 1D fan account on Twitter in like, the 8th grade to 9th grade. I had like 3,000 followers, they were my utter loves. Still kind of are, although its shifted more to Harry and Zayn, (a little more subtly, ha HA.)
Seriously, I saw them open for Big Time Rush when they were teeny cute babies in Albany, New York when I was in the 8th grade, (like, 5 years ago, with Caitlyn, actually. She feels the pain as well.) and I still remember it like it was last night. Zayn has always been one of my favorites (especially lately, he's been looking hella fit the last year or so) and honestly its broken my heart. 1D will forever be with me in my soul, and I respect Zayn and this situation, but I'm still incredibly sad about it. I feel like I've been with them all this way, and honestly, it really is emotional for me. I don't feel embarrassed by being upset about it, because it's really like a part of my adolescence is changing and maybe even ending. I hope the boys don't break up entirely, but really, will it ever be the same? We all hope so, of course, but in reality, we know it can't be. I'm crying again.

I literally saw him when he looked like he does on the far left. Sigh.

Just a quick update, like I said, I really want to connect with people more through this whole thing! I really want to at least try and make some new friends in this blogging community of beauty/fashion/whatever I'm doing here blogs. Ugh, this is turning into a ramble, I can feel it. But, please don't be shy in asking about what you'd like to see, hell, I'd love to even just hear ideas for blog posts! I seriously love you, especially if you check in regularly, so give me a shout, if you want! :*
This has been an incredibly random post, I hope you all still appreciate the life update. ciao darlings